For You In Whole

I’ve been thinking about how to say this without hiding behind my certainty and strength.

You came into my life in a way that felt natural yet unnatural at the same time. The way we entered each other's lives feels like a movie I never imagined would be made. From the beginning, I felt how carefully you evaluate who is in your life, how it is lived, and what you want from it: how thoughtfully you choose friends, how you process your life and communicate it to me.

I listened to your stories about your day to day life, and then your past. I care about you whether or not you stay in love with me. Over time I began to fall in love with you not just romantically, but in a deeper more selfless way. My heart is woven into your pain, your joy, and your disappointments.

How you hold yourself back until something feels safe and deep enough to deserve you is a strength I have learned from you. This is part of why I further fell in love. I am different because of what I have learned by watching you. You are powerful in your own very unique way. You lead quietly. I lead more loudly in certain respects, and vice versa.

With you, I don’t feel the need to impress or be more than I am. I feel the need to be accurate, delicate, caring, and open. But, these are things I have always wanted to feel safe to give someone. They are not costs to me. They fulfill me. Our connection is beyond anything I can prepare for, yet here we are.

I know you are careful with your heart. I want you to choose me only if it feels right in your body and your mind, and not because of many varieties of emotions and feelings alone.

What I can say is this:

I am here, naked in spirit and mind

Not perfect, not wearing a mask.

Just here with all laid bare,

for you in whole.

And I wanted you to know that.